80’s Trash of the Week: Earth Girls Are Easy

I’ll admit it. I’ll watch anything with Geena Davis in it. Let me qualify that. Any movie with Geena in it. In that “Commander in Chief” TV show she had a forehead like Andre the Giant’s, which terrified me. But since her first role in Tootsie I’ve had a crush on her (probably because I was 12 and she was in her bra & panties). I’ve always thought she had an adorably cute face with that big wry grin of hers. I even watched that superflop Cutthroat Island, which is actually pretty bad. But she’s hot in her pirate outfit.

Geena’s on the left

Before Beetlejuice, The Fly, and The Accidental Tourist made her a star, she was still taking projects like Julie Brown‘s Earth Girls Are Easy, as quintessential an 80’s movie as ever there was. It’s silly and over the top, garishly colorful, has campy special effects and a ludicrous plot, and tries to make some sort of comment on the dating scene, so yeah, late 80’s trasharama. Imagine Casual Sex? with Jim Carrey, Jeff Goldblum and Damon Wayans as aliens instead of Dice Clay, throw in a bunch of campy Valley references and songs by Julie Brown of “The Homecoming Queen’s Got a Gun” 15-minute fame, and you’ve got it.

Do you think we’ll ever regret these hair-dos?

It’s surprisingly watchable for being such a silly concept, because it never takes itself seriously. It teases you a few times, with a serious romantic subplot, but it’s all played for a gag with a decent payoff, so don’t let that bother you. Geena is Valerie, a hairdresser engaged to doctor Ted, which should be every gal’s dream of landing a rich chiseled Ken doll of a man, but like that Ken doll, he is too disinterested in sex for her liking. She tells her co-worker Candy (Julie Brown), who gives her an awful frosty blonde make-over that screams ’88, but when she tries to surprise him at home, he opens the door with a nurse in tow. She kicks him out and trashes the house in a “music video” scene, in her lingerie. While it’s sort of a chick movie, the producers were wise to insist that we get plenty of bikini action.

I ran out of Kleenex.

Valerie spends her weekend moping by the pool, while in the cold reaches of outer space, we see a Flash Gordon-like ship observing Earth. Inside are 3 guys covered in bright fur, like they skinned muppets and made catsuits out of them. They’ve been alone too long and after watching a holographic porno, turn their scopes toward our planet, where of course they see Geena sprawled by her pool, tantalizing them with a little side boob.

Late 80’s invention- the side boob.

They crash-land in her swimming pool and the fun begins. They’re goofy and good-natured, after all they’re Jim Carrey and Damon Wayans from the late-80’s super-skit comedy “In Living Color,” and Jeff Goldblum, who every went to for a studly nerd back then. She tries to hide them in the house but they want girls, so she ends up taking them to the hair salon for a make-over, which goes surprisingly well. Then we get an interlude for Julie Brown to sing “Cuz I’m a Blonde,” which is actually still pretty funny.

More proof that Cheez Whiz came from space.

From then on the movie involves trying to hide them from her hubby and her stoner pool man (Michael McKean), while taking them out to the L.A. party scene. They go to a club at Griffith Park Observatory, where Zeebo (Wayans) wows the ditzy Valley girls with their crazy dance moves, and Wiploc (Carrey) gets a following when he grabs an ice cube with his 8 inch tongue. Mac (Goldblum) is the most reserved of the aliens and has a thing for Geena, not surprising when the two actors married shortly after. They have a romantic scene and then skedaddle home where he shows her his magic “love touch,” which would be re-used in Cocoon.

“You guys were easier to wax than Robin Williams.”

In every movie where she bumps uglies with Jeff G, she has a nightmare afterward- in The Fly she had the infamous maggot baby, but here she just imagines all her neighbors as weird aliens, and other bizarre stuff like a midget with a beehive hairdo in her fridge. Now I know why Peter Dinklage’s character in Living in Oblivion was so pissed off about being in a dream sequence, it seems like half the roles for little people are in freaky dreams.

They give each other knowing nods at parties for enduring this.

The last part of the movie is a little confused and involves Ted trying to get back into Valeries good graces, and the alien boys getting into trouble with Woody the pool man. Zeebo and Wiploc wanna go to the beach because unlike Mac, they haven’t gotten any space booty. While Woody is gassing up, they manage to accidentally rob a store, trash Angelyne’s Corvette, drive through a car wash and then backwards down the freeway. Who’s Angelyne? I only recognized her because John Waters wrote about her in his book Crackpot!, but she’s a self-made celebrity in L.A.– by driving around in a pink Vette and buying billboards of herself modeling, she managed to get her 15 minutes.

Angelyne in all her skanky glory.

The boys crash into the giant sign of Randy’s Donuts, another L.A. landmark; I’m surprised they didn’t stop at Tail o’ the Pup for hot dog. Of course the cops haul them in and they end up under Dr. Ted’s care- could it happen any other way? How they unravel this conundrum, and whether Val ends up with her fun-loving alien or Dr. Dork I’ll leave for you to learn. The movie is good fun and an overdose of late 80’s nostalgia, with the B-52’s on the soundtrack. Before Carrey was making millions per picture he was in stuff like this, and Once Bitten. I liked him better as a goofball. And Geena fans, she’s never looked better.

Oh, it’s in the hole!

Beers Required to Enjoy: One
Could it be remade today? No way
Quotability Rating: Low
Cheese Factor: Off the charts
High Points: Smokin’ hot Geena, early Jim Carrey
Low Point:Things get serious with Ted
Gratuitous Boobies: Side only, but lots of cleavage.

One thought on “80’s Trash of the Week: Earth Girls Are Easy

  1. I love Geena in this film as well. She looks so damn sexy and has pretty decent comic timing as well. I also loved her in THE ACCIDENTAL TOURIST and BEETLEJUICE from around this period.

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